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Superhero Humour


You might be a superhero if...


  • You own more spandex than the U.S. National Gymnastics team

  • You have ever used heat vision to make Jiffy-Pop

  • You live in constant fear that your senile aunt will find your web shooters
    rather than the stack of Penthouse under your bed

  • Your last girlfriend broke up with you after your clone, bent on revenge,
    tried to kill her

  • The police contact you via signals in the sky

  • You refer to the threat of alien invasion as the messiest part of the profession

  • Your shopping list includes weapons-grade plutonium or high level mutagens

  • You keep your wallet in your belt right next to your grappling hooks

  • You've ever put "Throws Shield Well" or "Fires Plasmatic Blasts" on your
    resume

  • You've come back from the dead more times than Buffy

  • Your other car is a Batmobile

  • When you hear a fire alarm, you immediately proceed to the nearest broom
    closet or phone booth

  • You are bummed by the fact that your latest exploits were relegated to the
    second page in most major newspapers

  • Shaving your legs is literally an all-day job

  • You have ever had to suffer through cowl hair or mask hair

  • You are on a first-name basis with any herald of Galactus

  • You are on a first-name basis with Galactus

  • You have ever had to train your pets to defuse bombs or attack thugs

  • You have ever doubled over with laughter listening to Aquaman complain about
    his lame powers

  • You feel naked without a layer of reinforced spandex under your clothes

  • You got your degree from Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters

  • Your biggest concern during rush hour is accidentally hitting the weather
    copter at Mach 3

  • You have ever had to swing home after a hard day at work

  • You are nigh-invulnerable

  • You have a secret origin story

  • Being responsible for a friend's hair loss has caused him to turn on you
    and become a criminal mastermind and your greatest foe

  • Losing your jewelry has earth-shaking ramifications

  • You have trouble talking about your childhood, as your secret origin has
    been rebooted several times

  • You are worried that your Significant Other will find out about your "alternative
    lifestyle" because they may not understand that "With great power comes great
    responsibilty."

  • You have two homes - one in the city, and one called your Fortress of Solitude


--Jamie Herbert, in Knights of the Dinner Table Special Edition
#2
, April 2003


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sarahgilly
thegamemistress
The Geek Queen
This LJ chronicles my experiences in geekdom. Feel free to read, but beware of falling dice!

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