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∙ .... a Catholic priest starts his sermon with the words, "Bow your FUCKING HEAD!!! Let us pray.."

∙ .... every other car that turns the corner is a new sports car with some bad-ass behind the wheel.

∙ .... that same bad-ass rams that new sports car into the side of a building because he botched his damn roll.

∙ .... lightning does occasionally strike on a clear night.

∙ .... a city block is destroyed because a 'gas main' blew.

∙ .... that same city block is completely repaired the next week.

∙ .... you're the only one in a club because every other person has Obfuscate and is using it and you don't.

∙ ... every person you meet on the street is a Mage, Werewolf, or Vampire pretending to be human.

∙ .... people just fall out of the sky and land next to you...(Malkavians who thought they could fly, so they jumped from a plane at 20,000 feet).

∙ .... if you have every heard, "OK, I am going to jump off the roof and right before I hit the ground I'm going to Earth Meld."

∙ .. there are over thirteen Vampire Clans fighting to secretly control humanity

∙ ... there are a bunch of mages casting spells and fighting the Technocracy, which also happens to be secretly controlling humanity.

∙ ... shapechangers are fighting the Wyrm-controlled Pentex Corporation—which also, coincidentally, secretly controls humanity.

∙ ... there are wraiths and the Fae running around, if not trying to control humanity, then at least interfere with it.

∙ ... there are numerous other wackos, religious cults and terrorist organizations, all trying to kill something.

∙ ... (and this is the kicker) despite all of this, humanity, in general, does not have a f---ing clue as to what is happening right under their noses.

∙ ...the mortal Goths out number the rest of the population two to one.

∙ ... the word “Prince” does not make you think of the son of a king first.

∙ ... a witness says "It looked like some big guy in a wolf costume" to the cop asking questions.

∙ ... the cops are always two minutes late in getting to the scene of the crime, and the person at fault has long since left.

∙ ...the magic show in Las Vegas is real, and no one but his friends know.

∙ ... white tigers are more common than orange ones. (Khan Bastet in my group’s games)

∙ ... Stephen King and other horror fiction authors have nothing on the "real" world.

∙ ... New York is safe in the streets around Central Park.

∙ .. you can blame the last post's lack of content on Nosferatu Hackers, instead of a screwup.

∙ ...the revolutionaries with no Resources and no fixed address have cell phones and e-mail.

∙ ..... Night Court handles things like traffic tickets.

∙ ..... you realize even the podunk towns have stores that are all open until 10:00 pm.

∙ .... the liquor board never checks up on complaints about funny-tasting red "wine"

∙ ......the Department of Public Health issues concerned statements about mass anemia among the poor and downtrodden.

∙ .... you wake up in a small dark room and you're dead..

∙ .... you can find a gun shop open 24/7

∙ .... you see a man piss on the ground and sidestep reality.

∙ .... every club is open till sunrise.

∙ ... you see a man running down the street, trip, and stake himself on a toothpick.

∙ ... you see a man take two full Uzi clips into the chest, two grenades in the back, a sword through his side, and a knife in the head and all he says is "Ouch, that kinda itches a little.."

∙ .. the moon is full every time you can actually see it through all the rolling, thunderous storm clouds.

∙ ... nobody figures out that the bloody Tremere headquarters is located in the 100-plus-floor-skyscraper made out of black marble and covered with gargoyles which seem to have changed position every time you look at them.

∙ ... vampires look more alive than normal people, because they actually try to look like normal people, while the normal people try to look like vampires. It gets confusing sometimes.

∙ ... nobody thought The Crow had a dark and brooding atmosphere or a Gothic feel to it. "It was very realistic," people say.

∙ ... conversations don't begin with 'How was your day?' but 'How many people did you kill today?'

∙ ... the leading cause of death in the world is exsanguination.

∙ ... half the dead people you know still drop by for a visit every once in a while.

∙ ... there are no human-owned companies.

∙ ... repressed memories are the most common psychological problem, due to the Veil, Delirium, Dominate 3, etc.

∙ ... Fox Mulder is the head of the FBI.

∙ ... everyone you know has Appearance 5 or 6 but you.

∙ ... your son finds it necessary to "battle the Wyrm" every goddamn night

∙ ... half the population disappears during the day

∙ ... the government invests in extraterrestrial-detecting glasses and uses them on senators

∙ ... the congress investigates the president to find where THEY can find good hookers for a reasonable price

∙ ... you're a serial killer and your victim ate you

∙ ... you try to take candy from a baby and get shot

∙ ... you can swear you smell a rotting corpse but it is just the local panhandlers

∙ .... every black leather coat is sold out.

∙ ... Luxembourg is located in Scandinavia.

∙ ... vampires in Denmark have trouble with "Midnight Sun".

∙ .. every episode of the Twilight Zone is a lame documentary film.

∙ ... "the dinner is served" man looks an awful lot like the leather nut from Pulp Fiction.

∙ ... every potentially instructive topic is presented as a "dark and mysterious secret".

∙ ... your writing does not compensate for your absolute lack of knowledge in geography and demographics.

∙ ... you can go on to say: "Hey! It is my idea! I know where I want to go with this!" and people pay you for it.

∙ ... shining wealth and third world poverty crowd together in a single city.

∙ ...corporations buy and sell lives like POGs.

∙ ...psychotic militant groups and fringe religious cults throw hatred and violence at people who don't deserve it.

∙ ... personal success is proportional to the amount of people you step on.

∙ ... you regularly hear sirens off in the distance every five minutes.

∙ ... you can learn a lot about life by just talking to a street prostitute.

∙ ...the weather forecast goes along these lines—"Cloudy. Chance of rain. Pretty much the same for the rest of the week."

∙ ...you hear your next door neighbor beating up on his wife/kid/dog on a regular basis.

∙ ...Walking to and from work is an exercise in hoping you get there safely.

∙ ...The tabloids are more believable than regular newspapers.

∙ ...There are several really cool nightclubs where Goths hang out.

∙ ...you at least once woke up somewhere not knowing how you got there. You feel slightly drained and you neck hurts...

∙ .. the head of the art gallery looks at you funny and keeps calling you "mortal".

∙ ... the obituaries take up more room in the paper than the stock reports.

∙ ... your town has the following: cemetery, occult shop, Gothic-looking art museum, more cemeteries, gun shops, knife shops, sword shops, cemeteries, and four blood banks, for a population of 3500 and falling.

∙ .... everyone on the street has a poorly-concealed shotgun underneath their long trenchcoat.

∙ .. pigeons try to crap on church statues and they get their heads ripped off. (Gargoyles, if you didn't get that one)

∙ ... every radio station plays nothing but Switchblade Symphony, Type O Negative, Rosetta Stone, Fields of Nephlim, and Eva O Hallo.

∙ ... every motorcycle is either a Harley, or "That cool one from Crow 2".

∙ ... every suit is accented with lace and ruffles, a cane (with a sword inside it), a cape, and a top hat.

∙ ... you see forty to fifty rats running down the street in a tight pack in the same direction, and it doesn't bother you the least bit.

∙ ... you go to see John Carpenter's Vampires, and the whole movie you keep hearing people saying, "What a moron! I can do that ten times better than he can!"

∙ ... your grandmother wants you to start dating "some nice, human girl"

∙ ... the Rocky Horror Picture Show manages to launch the careers of several stars, like Susan Sarandon, Tim Curry and Barry Bostwi...never mind...

∙ ... every one of us who has ever accessed this web site is murdered in our sleep for "knowing too much"

∙ .. the only time a city gets any sunshine, it's for the surreal awe and innocence scene just before it gets obliterated by a pissed-off Mage with Forces 5/Prime 2

∙ ...Everybody wears fedoras and trenchcoats with a bulge at the side.

∙ ...Kids in Third World countries are working as fast as they can to dye clothes black.

∙ ...A body with half the blood gone, and no wounds, comes rolling into the morgue and nobody is surprised.

∙ ...You stub your toe on the street, and a guy in a black cape with an Omega symbol clasp appears out of an alley, holding a gun, muttering something about “Returning to the Wheel...”

∙ ...Poe, Shelly, Byron, and Lovecraft are put in the non-fiction section at the library.

∙ ...The Pale Biker Thugs run away when you introduce yourself as "David Giovanni."

∙ ...You see an ad in a local tabloid for Dr. Vladimir's scalpel-less cosmetic surgery.

∙ ...Half of the people you interview for the job as the Driver of the Red Cross "Blood Mobile" say they can't work day hours.

∙ ...There are at least a half-dozen abandoned Gothic Cathedrals in the city.

∙ ...everybody in the city has, at least once, seen a wild dog attack; woken up pale and tired after picking somebody up in a club; or had a bad dream about big blue people with hammers after scolding a six year-old that there are no monsters under the bed.


The Geek Queen
This LJ chronicles my experiences in geekdom. Feel free to read, but beware of falling dice!

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